It’s Mother’s day. And for me, it is the first Mother’s day without my mother. Some of you may know, and some of you may not know that during this year of Covid my mother passed on or over. So many years,, …so many memories…so many tears. There are many of us who lost our mothers this year. I am fortunate to have had mom for 96 years, however it has been hard to let go.

Mom didn’t die of Covid but she died because of Covid. During the 9 months of, isolation she began to fall and ended up in the hospital. In her final days I was able to spend some time with her. She shared with me how blessed she felt to have been able to have my sister and I. You see, my mother and father had married when they were considered to be “Older”. Mom was 29 and Dad was 39 when they married on April 8^th 1953. They were told they would never be able to have children. However, in February, 1956 my sister was born. After a difficult pregnancy, I was born 6 weeks early, in November of1957.

My mother was a very strong and independent woman. She was a teacher 10 years before she married and went back to teaching when I was 5, out of necessity. My Dad was a farmer and in order for the farm to survive we needed the income. I don’t know how she did it. Mom worked all week at school and still made time to help on the farm, make balanced meals, maintain a large garden from which she would can and freeze vegetables, sewed our clothes, and was an active church and community member. Mom is a hard act to follow.

Mom faced death with the same attitude she faced life. She didn’t think about doing things, she made things happen. She didn’t complain about her last months of isolation. She was a person who seemed to have a spiritual connection. She told me she had premonitions when people close to her died.  In the end she said. “It was her time”. It was the 19^th of December. I had been at the hospital and she phoned me once I got home that evening. She whispered, “the planets, the nineteenth, It is my time. It is written”. It was the 19^th of December that day. It was this year, 2020 that the planets would align creating the phenomena of the Bethlehem Star as it was seen when Christ were born.We knew with mom’s health that her was close, so I raced back into the hospital. That night I stayed in the lazy boy next to her bed. We watched the Sound of Music together, talked about life, and about death. In the night she told me that her voice seemed like it was coming from behind her body, and she waved her hand behind her head. As my mom held my hands she told me she had a good life and she was ready to go. Later she asked, “Am I done?” I laughed. It was just like mom. When she decided it was time to do something, she wanted it done. Mom said she was having a hard time letting go. I told her my sister was coming in the morning.

My sister arrived the following day and I left so she could have some time alone with mom. It seemed mom had waited for my sister to get here. At the end of the day mom had my sister pack up everything in the closet. Mom seemed to be alert and stable so we decided to go home and sleep, as we were both exhausted. The next morning at 8:00 a.m. we received a call from the nurse, saying mom had passed. .

I have been feeling angry with myself that I didn’t stay…

The last few months have been quite emotional. Grief hits you when you least expect it. It’s been hard coming to terms with the last year of Mom’s life. She didn’t deserve to be so isolated. Yet mom was accepting and said, “It is my time”.

It’s May 9^th,  2021 today, Mother’s Day and I am missing my mother .As I looked out the window to the back yard it looked like the world was weeping. And then I saw it. In my apple tree sat a small grey bird…it looked like a dove. I have never seen a dove in that tree before. I had planted that tree the year Dad died. I had the thought…”It’s mom”.. or  “mom is trying to tell me something.” I decided I should look up the bird on the internet. To my surprise it was a mourning dove.  According to the internet ,“The mourning dove’s is often viewed as a visitation from a deceased love one. The message is one of hope and love. Others believe that the mourning dove is a messenger sent by angels, spirit guides or even God. “

In another article from Reader’s Digest it states, “When a Mourning Dove appears, it can be a reminder that you have support and love around you and that even death does not separate you from your loved ones. It can also be a symbol of your need to release and let go”.

Perhaps my mother is telling me it is time to move forward… to remember the blessings I have been given in my husband, children, and grandchildren. It is time to accept what the future has to hold. Thanks Mom! Have a Happy First Mother’s Day in Heaven with Dad! I’ll see you again… but hopefully not too soon. I have things to do… like maybe writing a blog. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you.

I wrote the song “I Carry You In My Heart ” for my children. May it be a Blessing to you today as you listen to the media link below.